We Have a Lost Mommie! - Or - Teach Your Children Well

Have you ever been at the park or in a store with your toddler, and then all of a sudden the little tyke vanished into thin air?  Sure it has, it happens to all parents.  Panic sets in right away.  Where is that little one? 

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It happened so quickly while shopping, and I immediately called my son's name.  No answer.  I was beside myself!  Where could he be? Luckily, all of a sudden, the store’s public address system stopped playing its background music and I heard the following announcement: “We have a lost Mommie.  Her name is Inge!  Inge, will you please go to the checkout.  Your son is waiting!  IMPATIENTLY!”

As I headed for the cashier, there was my son with the biggest smile on his face.  He turned to the security guard and said: “See, I told you.  She was lost!  There she is.  There’s my Mommie, her name is Inge!” – “Mommie, I’m so proud of you!  You knew what to do!”

The security guard smiled too.  “You’ve got quite a smart young man there, Mommie.  He knew exactly what to do!  I found him wandering alone.  He said, his mom was lost. He told me that he was not allowed to talk to strangers, but it was ok to talk to a policeman.  Then he recited your name, address, and phone number to help find you.”

Once we were at home, I asked my son what had really happened at the store.  He matter-of-factly blurted out, that he wanted to make sure that I knew what to do in case we were ever separated.  Then he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said again “I’m so proud of you, Mommie.  You knew what to do!”

Yes, he knew what to do.  We had been practicing and role-playing different scenarios.  You want your child to be aware that there are “safe” people out there, there are “unsafe” people, and there are “tricksters”, but you do not want to frighten and scare your child.

The Buddy System

In my post about “Crime and Punishment – or – Discipline via the Berlin Bear”, I told about my older brother and I being raised to be responsible for one another, keeping one another out of trouble, and helping one another via the Buddy System.  We were connected at the hip, so to say.  Where one went, the other would come along.  So, there was no way one of us would ever be lost. Additionally, we were taught never to go with strangers, and not to accept anything from strangers.  

Bedtime Ritual

At bedtime, my mother established a certain ritual.  After our evening meal, we kids would wash up for bedtime, brush our teeth and slip into our night clothes, and then, off to bed, we went.  To settle us down, she would read us a bedtime story. The story was followed by a simple nighttime prayer.  After that, she would tuck us in tightly, kiss us, turn off the light and close our bedroom door behind us.  And we would merrily drift off into sleep. 

My brother and I had to recite a simple nighttime prayer each alone back to Mom.  At the beginning of the prayer, though, we had to specifically personalize it to ourselves in the following manner. 

Dear Lord,
My name is Janet Doe
I live at 123 Main Street, Any Town, Any State, USA
My telephone number is 123-456-7890
My mommy’s name is Jane Doe
My daddy’s name is John Doe.
And here is my prayer:

Ich bin klein
Mein Herz ist rein
Soll niemand drin wohnen
Als der liebe Gott allein.

 

The prayer loosely translates as:
I am small
My heart is pure
Shall no one live in it
But the good Lord.

 

When we were little, Mom explained it this way: “There are so many children in the world saying their prayers.  And so that the Lord knows, which little boy or girl said their prayer, you need to tell him exactly your name, address, telephone number, and your mommy and daddy’s name.  That way, his angel helpers can mark it down in their book that you were a good child today.”

 

Later, when I was older, I became more inquisitive about the reason we were required specifically to identify who it was that said the nighttime prayer.  Her answer was simple.  It was her way, to make sure, that if one of us ever got separated from the family unit, we would be able to identify ourselves. 

 

This stemmed from her experience during the war in Germany when so many small children were separated from their parents.  For years after the war, each weekend there were broadcasts on the radio for families to try to locate a lost child.  It was common to hear something like this:  “Mr. John Doe and his wife Jane Doe are looking for their daughter Janet Doe. Janet has blue eyes and blonde hair.  Janet was born on (date) in (name of town). Janet was last seen at the train station of (name of town) on (date), wearing a blue dress, black shoes, a white sweater, and holding her brown teddy bear.  Mommy and Daddy miss you Janet, please contact us at the radio station or go to the nearest police station and tell them you heard this message.”  How can any person identify a lost child via such a generic description?  How heartbreaking is that?

 

In present day, you may hear of a small child getting separated from their parent at the mall, the bus depot, a theater, the park, the beach, or anywhere for that matter.  Often when a child is found and is asked “What is your name?”, all they know is their first name: “Janet”.  – “What is your Mommie’s name?” -  “Mommie” – “What is your daddy’s name?” -  “Daddy” – “Where do you live?” -  “In the red house.”  How sad and heartbreaking is that?

 

A Different Strategy

Different times and different ideologies call for a different strategy on how to approach and teach a child safety.  Since our son is an only child, the buddy system could not be used to keep him safe.  Nor was I too fond of inventing a fairy tale for our son. 

 

I used role-play using his stuffed animals and hand puppets to illustrate to him and teach him how to handle different situations.  I made some name tags to pin to particular puppets to represent a store clerk, a policeman’s blue cap and uniform, a crossing guard, etc.

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In the role play, one of the puppets got separated from their family.  Instead of crying, this puppet would seek out help from a store clerk wearing a name tag.  This puppet would then tell the store clerk: “My mom is lost.  Her name is Jane Doe.  She lives at 123 Main Street, Any Town, Any State, USA.  I am supposed to wait here with you at the cash register.”

 

In the role play, we would use a SECRET silly phrase, which a stranger could say to the puppet so that the puppet would know, that the parent really had instructed the stranger to reunite the puppet with his parents.  Our silly phrase was “Afghanistan – Bananistan”.  My husband and I only would use this silly phrase in role-play, and never ever in any other circumstances around other people. 

 

Luckily, we never did have to employ that method.  The role-play went like this.  Again, one of the puppets was lost and separated from his loved ones.  A second puppet would approach the lost one.  “Your Mommie Jane Doe has asked me to bring you home with me.  Afghanistan Bananistan.”  The two puppets would then leave together and meet up with the parent.

 

In the role-play, a different puppet would be the Trickster to try to lure the lost puppet away from the store, playground, library, or another place without the silly phrase. 

 

We realized that we did not unnecessarily frighten our son.  So, we would alternate a puppet to be the Trickster.  This would include even a favorite puppet or stuffed animal.  This was to show our son, that even nice folks could have ulterior motives. 

 

In the role-play, the Trickster would tell the puppet that he should come along and ride in the car to get back home.  The puppet would tell the Trickster in a LOUD voice “NO!  I am not allowed to ride in a car with strangers.”  And then the puppet would run away from the trickster and scream at the top of its voice.  We explained to our son that tricksters do not like it when kids scream, and it was OK to scream if that ever happens.  Others would realize that the situation was not normal and perhaps not safe, and come to help.

 

The Trickster would use all sorts of different scenarios to have the puppet go away together.  “NO!” was the loud answer from the lost puppet.  Scream, and run away!

 

In role playing and practicing the various scenarios in a safe environment, it taught my son what to expect and do, if and when we were ever separated.  In acting them out, at the very end of each role play, I would always praise and congratulate the puppet for the correct steps to reunite.

 

Practice makes perfect is the saying.  So, when my son really did get separated from me in the store as I wrote about in the beginning of the post, he knew exactly what to do.

 

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I hope you found this post helpful.  Please share it with other parents of children regardless of age to help reconnect lost children with their loved ones.

 

Please feel free to share with me and my readers your experiences on this important topic in the comments below.

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